The beauty of being tired...
/
Photo by: Tony Bellissimo and Ried Martin
Courtesy of: Tremaine Dance Convention
Thoughts from Dallas…
I have to admit it… on the Monday morning after a convention, I am a complete zombie. My body is sore, I can barely make a complete sentence, and I need about a gallon of coffee before I can focus on anything! I stay in my pajamas practically all day, and keep my phone on “do not disturb” till about 2pm. A high bun, no make-up, and a killer Netflix lineup are the most complicated choices I can make for the day. I share this with you not because I like to whine, or because I want your sympathy. I share this because I truly love what I do, and there is a strange sort of beauty in being this exhausted.
I truly feel grateful that my life is so full. Full of inspiration, love, dance, and a job that is demanding in so many ways. I have always naturally been a hard worker. Though I was drawn to dancing when I was young, I never considered it “easy”. Inspiring… motivating… satisfying… YES. But never easy!! As I grew older, life felt unnatural if I was not working hard. As a teenager and a young adult, I filled my days with classes, rehearsals, auditions, early calls on set, and late nights performing at dance shows.… anything dance related I could get my hands on. I felt like I did not have a successful day if I was not exhausted by the end of it. Partially, this was out of survival. I had rent to pay! But more importantly, it was because I could not imagine any better way to spend my day than by being a part of a creative process, whether it was my own or someone else’s.
Teaching in Dallas this weekend reminded me of my days as a convention dancer. I can remember literally falling into bed on Saturday night after a full day of dancing and competing, not knowing how I would ever get up the next morning. Then the alarm would go off, and even though I could barely walk from soreness… I couldn’t wait to get to the first class! By the time we got to the “final” auditions at the end of the day after the faculty show (YES, we used to have to perform the jazz audition for the whole convention!), my legs were jello and my mind was mush. After, I would get into the car with my mom and be asleep before we left the parking garage of the hotel. On Monday morning I would beg my mom to let me stay home from school, even though I knew that was certainly NOT happening, and Monday night I was back in the studio, training as usual.
I saw that same fatigue in the dancers eyes this weekend. I saw them sometimes push through, and sometimes give up. I watched certain dancers become motivated by the challenging classes given to them, while others seemed to pull back a little bit when faced with the same daunting task of having to push past their comfort zone time and time again. I understand both perspectives. I also believe that either reaction to a challenging class is an active choice on the dancers part.
I have made both of the above choices at different times in my life. I have risen, and I have cowered. Both directions have taught me valuable lessons about life, and how I want to participate in it.
I hope to continue to choose to rise because like I said earlier, I truly am grateful. Dance has supported me for as long as I can remember, and I feel it is the least I can do to repay her. I hope the dancers from this weekend can be honest with themselves about which choices they made during the convention, and are open to learning the lessons that each one offered up to them.
I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes…
In Love and Dance,
Keri
“This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.
I am of the opinion that my life belongs to the whole community, and as long as I live it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can.
I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no "brief candle" for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.
—George Bernard Shaw